Karma & You: My Guide to Fucking Everything Up, and then Justifying it.
Here's Your Introduction To Destruction!:
Used to never getting what you want? Did you have a bad life? Well shut the fuck up, you fucking baby, mine is worse! But I feel better about it. And you, too, can feel better about your issues that are far less important than mine by making contributions to the circle of Karma.
It's Purely Scientific:
The biggest misconception of Karma is that it occurs on its own. Karma is not a circle of nature, it's a means of survival. It's also based on Newton's laws. Newton was smoking crack when he wrote the second one, so that one doesn't count. Let's bump the third.
1)Every object in a state of uniform motion tends to remain in that state of motion unless an external force is applied to it.
2)For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.
These laws disprove the conception of Karma when simply broken down.
-The Case of Law One
---When things are going a certain way, they wont just stop. Something needs to be
done to cause them to stop. There must be an intersection point at which someone
steps in, and does something about it.
-The Case of Law Two
---For everything someone does, there are two natural reactions. The opposite
reaction is what total pansies commonly refer to as being the bigger person.
(AKA allowing yourself to be defenseless, weak, and shit out of luck)
The OPPOSITE reaction shows a disapproval of the current state of things. The
OPPOSITE reaction is how you are heard and understood. You OPPOSE it.
The Justification
You are always justified in creating karma if you are legitimately fucked over. Every situation is different, so there is no single frame to base it on. As long as you acted appropriately first, and what you were returned with was uncalled for, in most cases you are good to go. Just give it some contemplation. Here's how to think about it.
Center on the current issue at hand. What is fucked up at the moment? Are you sure you didn't cause it? Are you sure it's not based on an illegitimate jealousy? Do others agree with your position? Did you exercise good patience? Did you try to enact a logical and neutral solution without success? Are you the only one being hurt in your position? Are you less at fault? Are you more attractive? Do you have less body hair?
If you can answer "Yes" to all of those questions, (or manipulate them in your favor, or use long shots) you are indeed eligible for your own Karma plan.
The Rules of KarmaClub:
--The first rule of KarmaClub: do not talk about KarmaClub. The more people you tell when you want to take credit for what you did, the more people will think that you're doing it for a different type of personal gain: attention. You can't sink so low as to do things for attention! Be a notable person and do things based on vendetta, sadism, and egotism!
--Second rule: mark your targets carefully. Make sure the person you are seeking Karma upon will be equally as hurt as you are if you do. Target his girlfriend, his wife, his sister, but whatever you do, make sure it comes back to HIM. Sometimes direct targets are more difficult because feelings get in the way (which, by the way, if you have feelings, you're a total faggot).
--Third rule: consider every possibility while exercising patience. Could it go wrong and make you look like an even bigger douche bag? Will the other person think nothing of it and brush it off? Will he turn around a fuck your mother out of spite? Think of every risk you're taking when planning your Karma, and contemplate ways to secure yourself from as many of them as possible. Don't act immediately. You need to wait some time so the target doesn't have his guard up, and make sure yours is built as good as Ron Jeremy's condoms would need to be.
--Fourth rule: DON'T FUCKING GET CAUGHT IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD TO. If you are stupid and uncreative enough to do something blatantly illegal, you probably deserve to get caught. But if your intention is to do something like getting a promotion, taking someone's spouse, or being written into your loaded father in laws will, you need to make it look as though it was caused by someone else. Detach yourself from suspicion. Don't let it look like you had any part in it, accidental or intentional. Sometimes there are moments of karma where you want the credit for it, and have nothing to lose by receiving it, but those are not necessarily the most rewarding. You need to make a serious judgement as to whether or not you can or want to afford to be held accountable.
How far is too far, and what are my limits on certain things?:
There are no exceptions to things involving children, severe injuries, anything jeopardizing more than 10 people at a time, anything blatantly illegal, anything involving sex with an animal or an elderly person, psychostalking, anything that involves killing or injuring an animal, or anything that will affect more innocent people than Karma targets.
There are exceptions in the following cases.
If you can get sued for it and you're still comfortable taking that risk, fine, go for it. There must be some suction in your boxers 'cause you've got some pretty big balls.
What is considered psychostalking and what is considered free range:
FREE RANGE
If you need to get more information on someone for karma purposes, there are four safe sources you can obtain the information from; Google, the white pages, talking to other people who are willing to give information, and MySpace. If you need someone's phone number, or someone's Maiden name, these are public record as long as they do not choose not to have them listed. If WhitePages.com allows you to do a reverse lookup on a phone number, you can get an address. Streets are public property and you can drive down whatever street you want. So long as you do not break & enter, trespass, or voyeurize, you have every right to be on their street.
There may be occasions where you plan on confronting someone. Let's say, someone posts a bulletin on MySpace that says they're going to dinner and a movie with this person in the evening. You plan to confront them at the movie theater, but you don't know when they will be there. It may be a wise decision to drive by to see if their car is in the driveway before you wind up sitting at the movie theater for eight hours, with your ass stuck in spilled soda and a fat man staring at you while you wait for them to show up. It's always wise to see if they're home, or find out for sure if they're where you believe they are going to be.
Those are your limits, do not push them.
PSYCHOSTALKING
Anything that involves information not obtained from the four safe sources, following someone's car, impersonating someone they know, using a GPS or tracking device, jacking off on someone's bedroom window, anything along those lines. If you can't justify why you did something or how you obtained information legally, you're doing something wrong. You're too much a fucking mongoloid to play smart.
Execution Style:
You've got rules and guidelines to follow. You know how much is too much, and what will come back to bite the head of your dick off in the long run. You know when you're justified, and probably by now what you're justified in doing. You need to assemble a plan well within what is acceptable that involves nothing further than emotional abuse. This one takes wit: you have it or you don't. And from here it's up to you, kids! It may seem like a lot of work, but once you turn it into a project, its a lot more fun than playing the fucking Sims, and a lot more rewarding too.
Used to never getting what you want? Did you have a bad life? Well shut the fuck up, you fucking baby, mine is worse! But I feel better about it. And you, too, can feel better about your issues that are far less important than mine by making contributions to the circle of Karma.
It's Purely Scientific:
The biggest misconception of Karma is that it occurs on its own. Karma is not a circle of nature, it's a means of survival. It's also based on Newton's laws. Newton was smoking crack when he wrote the second one, so that one doesn't count. Let's bump the third.
1)Every object in a state of uniform motion tends to remain in that state of motion unless an external force is applied to it.
2)For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.
These laws disprove the conception of Karma when simply broken down.
-The Case of Law One
---When things are going a certain way, they wont just stop. Something needs to be
done to cause them to stop. There must be an intersection point at which someone
steps in, and does something about it.
-The Case of Law Two
---For everything someone does, there are two natural reactions. The opposite
reaction is what total pansies commonly refer to as being the bigger person.
(AKA allowing yourself to be defenseless, weak, and shit out of luck)
The OPPOSITE reaction shows a disapproval of the current state of things. The
OPPOSITE reaction is how you are heard and understood. You OPPOSE it.
The Justification
You are always justified in creating karma if you are legitimately fucked over. Every situation is different, so there is no single frame to base it on. As long as you acted appropriately first, and what you were returned with was uncalled for, in most cases you are good to go. Just give it some contemplation. Here's how to think about it.
Center on the current issue at hand. What is fucked up at the moment? Are you sure you didn't cause it? Are you sure it's not based on an illegitimate jealousy? Do others agree with your position? Did you exercise good patience? Did you try to enact a logical and neutral solution without success? Are you the only one being hurt in your position? Are you less at fault? Are you more attractive? Do you have less body hair?
If you can answer "Yes" to all of those questions, (or manipulate them in your favor, or use long shots) you are indeed eligible for your own Karma plan.
The Rules of KarmaClub:
--The first rule of KarmaClub: do not talk about KarmaClub. The more people you tell when you want to take credit for what you did, the more people will think that you're doing it for a different type of personal gain: attention. You can't sink so low as to do things for attention! Be a notable person and do things based on vendetta, sadism, and egotism!
--Second rule: mark your targets carefully. Make sure the person you are seeking Karma upon will be equally as hurt as you are if you do. Target his girlfriend, his wife, his sister, but whatever you do, make sure it comes back to HIM. Sometimes direct targets are more difficult because feelings get in the way (which, by the way, if you have feelings, you're a total faggot).
--Third rule: consider every possibility while exercising patience. Could it go wrong and make you look like an even bigger douche bag? Will the other person think nothing of it and brush it off? Will he turn around a fuck your mother out of spite? Think of every risk you're taking when planning your Karma, and contemplate ways to secure yourself from as many of them as possible. Don't act immediately. You need to wait some time so the target doesn't have his guard up, and make sure yours is built as good as Ron Jeremy's condoms would need to be.
--Fourth rule: DON'T FUCKING GET CAUGHT IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD TO. If you are stupid and uncreative enough to do something blatantly illegal, you probably deserve to get caught. But if your intention is to do something like getting a promotion, taking someone's spouse, or being written into your loaded father in laws will, you need to make it look as though it was caused by someone else. Detach yourself from suspicion. Don't let it look like you had any part in it, accidental or intentional. Sometimes there are moments of karma where you want the credit for it, and have nothing to lose by receiving it, but those are not necessarily the most rewarding. You need to make a serious judgement as to whether or not you can or want to afford to be held accountable.
How far is too far, and what are my limits on certain things?:
There are no exceptions to things involving children, severe injuries, anything jeopardizing more than 10 people at a time, anything blatantly illegal, anything involving sex with an animal or an elderly person, psychostalking, anything that involves killing or injuring an animal, or anything that will affect more innocent people than Karma targets.
There are exceptions in the following cases.
If you can get sued for it and you're still comfortable taking that risk, fine, go for it. There must be some suction in your boxers 'cause you've got some pretty big balls.
What is considered psychostalking and what is considered free range:
FREE RANGE
If you need to get more information on someone for karma purposes, there are four safe sources you can obtain the information from; Google, the white pages, talking to other people who are willing to give information, and MySpace. If you need someone's phone number, or someone's Maiden name, these are public record as long as they do not choose not to have them listed. If WhitePages.com allows you to do a reverse lookup on a phone number, you can get an address. Streets are public property and you can drive down whatever street you want. So long as you do not break & enter, trespass, or voyeurize, you have every right to be on their street.
There may be occasions where you plan on confronting someone. Let's say, someone posts a bulletin on MySpace that says they're going to dinner and a movie with this person in the evening. You plan to confront them at the movie theater, but you don't know when they will be there. It may be a wise decision to drive by to see if their car is in the driveway before you wind up sitting at the movie theater for eight hours, with your ass stuck in spilled soda and a fat man staring at you while you wait for them to show up. It's always wise to see if they're home, or find out for sure if they're where you believe they are going to be.
Those are your limits, do not push them.
PSYCHOSTALKING
Anything that involves information not obtained from the four safe sources, following someone's car, impersonating someone they know, using a GPS or tracking device, jacking off on someone's bedroom window, anything along those lines. If you can't justify why you did something or how you obtained information legally, you're doing something wrong. You're too much a fucking mongoloid to play smart.
Execution Style:
You've got rules and guidelines to follow. You know how much is too much, and what will come back to bite the head of your dick off in the long run. You know when you're justified, and probably by now what you're justified in doing. You need to assemble a plan well within what is acceptable that involves nothing further than emotional abuse. This one takes wit: you have it or you don't. And from here it's up to you, kids! It may seem like a lot of work, but once you turn it into a project, its a lot more fun than playing the fucking Sims, and a lot more rewarding too.
Labels: cruel, egotism, evil, guide, karma, sadistic, spiteful, vindictive
posted by Airi Zombie @ 2:27 AM
1 comments
