Interruptions.

I WAS going to blog about something, until I discovered Jon Stewart already said what I was going to say.

Arizona native creates miracle diet, proves successful

FLAGSTAFF, AZ - Once ordinary citizen Paul Donner has created a weight loss technique that will revolutionize the way we eat. "The goal here was to create a diet that would keep one's weight the same, so the benefits of exercise can easily shine through," Donner says, "That's why my CanniBolic system is right for everyone!"

The theory behind Donner's diet plan is simple. By only consuming parts of your own body, your weight will stay in balance. A kidney, for example, is already figured into the weight of your body, and if that kidney is eaten and recycled, you stand to lose several pounds.

It may not be as catch free as it looks. Donner's diet is under obvious scrutiny. Many have reservations about ingesting their own organs raw, as some organs are not appetizing without margarine.

Flagstaff nutritionist Hannah Bullecter has recently issued a statement about the weight loss plan, claiming "It is futile to eat liver without fava beans and a nice Chianti"

Nevertheless, Donner is convinced this diet could be a miracle to many who seek drastic weight loss. "Sure, there are some hunger pains, as with any diet," he says, "but with all the blood loss, you wont even notice"

Woman, 25, finds being a pregnant teenager difficult.

BURLINGTON, VT - It was a normal day for stock broker Sharon Coddington when she learned the news that she was a pregnant teenager.

"I was devastated," Coddington said meekly, "When I received the certified letter in the mail, I had never expected that it would be informing me of this"

Coddington, who resides in a condominium with her husband of three years and the couple's dog, Buster, feels overwhelmed by the obligations of being a pregnant teenager combined with those of her home life and career.

"Well, on Monday, I'm going to have to ask my gynecologist where the nearest Planned Parenthood is located," she sighs, "and now I guess I'm going to have to quit the brokerage firm and turn tricks. This just isn't what I excepted of my future. At 25, I figured things would slow down for me. I didn't realize at this age, it is very possible to become a pregnant teenager. It's proven to be difficult"

Coddington is just one affected by the epidemic that has recently come to surprise many households. A nursing home resident in Portland, Oregon has reportedly become a pregnant teenager, making her the oldest known in the world at 87 years of age.

"Out of all the candidates for teenage pregnancy," Coddington begins, "Why a 25 year old stock broker?"

Why I hate Sarah Palin.

First of all, let me start by saying: Yeah. She has a pregnant 17 year old daughter. I don't care if shes sans-hymen. She's not my kid, and she's not the country's either, so it's nobody's business. Why the Palin family came to allow it to be is beyond me, and strongly lacks logic. It would have gone away faster if they didn't keep making it a point to continually justify it. I'm withholding any question on morality or parenting here because at 17, your mother doesn't come along on all your playdates anymore, and whatever Bristol Palin did was of her own volition. Teenagers are angsty and deliberately defiant. I would know. I am one.

Aside from Bristol, I do question Sarah's choice in getting in a plane and flying to Alaska while leaking amniotic fluid. I do question someone constantly campaigning while they've got a young Down's baby at home who would most likely require care atop what a normal child would. I do question someone who only has 20 something months of governing experience, and admittedly doesn't know what a Vice President does, accepting an offer to run after a ten minute discussion.

I realize her family business is none of mine. None of ours as a country. But as all this is growing to become common knowledge, its showing a void where common sense should be. This whole picture to me seems like one night, John McCain IMed Sarah Palin and they talked about it. and the conversation probably went like this:

McCandyCane08: r u there sarah?
AlazkaIsk00l: ya lol who is this?
McCandyCane08: its john mccain, duhhh
AlazkaIsk00l: omg lol how did u get maii s/n?
McCandyCane08: it was on ur facebook girlfrenn
AlazkaIsk00l: lololol omg ur rite lol sup?
McCandyCane08: n/m really chillin wit cindy lol, ne way wat r u doin on saturday?
AlazkaIsk00l: idk prolly bein govern0r of alazka unless i make planz lol waii?
McCandyCane08: i thot it would b cool if you liek wanted 2 b vice prezzy or sumthin lol
AlazkaIsk00l: omg really nowaii yea cool that sounds liek so fun


Breaking into a much deeper point here, anyone too stupid to realize they're being used (or to realize, and not care), is too stupid to sit in a major political seat. This election has become an election of gimmicks. The historical white woman versus black man element for the Democratic nomination at least played some part in getting most people to ignore the Republicans (yes, only some part, I think the fact that Bush is still alive and kicking also had an adverse effect on the word "Republican" alone) which ultimately took the focus off of John McCain.

Since the historical focus was playing up the Democrats, there was nothing that the Republicans could do for attention. McCain had to make the news somehow. It's obvious enough that a good amount of minorities are going to prefer the minority candidate. So what can McCain do? Ah! McCain can put a woman on his ticket! Yup, fellas, that one'll make the news. But it can't just be ANY woman. It has to be a woman that's going to agree with everything he says. So it has to be an impressionable, stupid woman. Neon signs point to Alaska and a choir of angels sing "Total Eclipse of the Heart".

Who better than a woman that doesn't support women's rights? Who better, than an Alaskan governor, who says "Oh yeah, put that big drill wherever you want to" (and I'm assuming she said the same to her husband, judging by all those fucking kids). McCain needed someone that would draw attention to himself that wouldn't impede on the half chubs he's calling plans. Sarah Palin is in fact, not an involved woman at all. In fact, OnTheIssues.com lists this as her voting record -

On requiring the hire of more women / minorities... NO VOTE.
On teacher-led prayer... NO VOTE
On mandatory 3 Strikes sentencing laws... NO VOTE
On drug enforcement laws... NO VOTE
On allowing churches to provide welfare services... NO VOTE
On illegal immigrants earning citizenship... NO VOTE
On support and expansion of free trade... NO VOTE
On stricter limits on political campaign funds... NO VOTE
On the Patriot Act harming civil liberties... NO VOTE
On pulling out of Iraq... NO VOTE.
On welfare and Poverty... NO STANCE YET RECORDED
On Principles and Values... NO STANCE YET RECORDED
On Jobs... NO STANCE YET RECORDED
On Immigration... NO STANCE YET RECORDED
On Government Reform... NO STANCE YET RECORDED
On Free Trade... NO STANCE YET RECORDED
On Foreign Policy... NO STANCE YET RECORDED
On Drugs... NO STANCE YET RECORDED
On Families and Children... NO STANCE YET RECORDED'

Doesn't look like she has her mind made up on much, huh? To me, that seems like a nice clean slate for McCain to work with. Seems like a perfect idea. Get the attention of adding a woman to your ticket, influence undecided female voters, and make her into what you want her to be for your own benefit. All the while, she doesn't have the logic to realize it. She'll sit there and go along with it because she likes the attention.

I'm trying to have faith in us as a country, no matter what political affiliation we are, not to be stupid enough to fall for it.

As far as the maternal side of my family goes (An Open Letter) :

I'm not tolerating the judgement anymore, and I am done with all of you. I don't care if you never passed any yourself, enabling it and allowing it to happen behind my back makes you just as guilty and I don't feel bad in saying so, I feel ashamed of all of you.

I have no vigilante penance to pay because I differ from you so greatly. Under normal circumstances people who aren't so closed minded appreciate the view point and differences in someone who varies from them but I have come to realize that you are belligerently subborn and will never change.

I am an Atheist, and you are Christians. I don't tell you how to live your life but I still get told by you how to live mine. Your religion comes from a book and so does mine. There is no correct religion. One is no more right than the other. There are Buddhists, Jews, Muslims, Satanists, Bahaiis, Roman Catholics, Islams, Hindus, Zionists, Confucianists, Pagans, Sunnis, Sihks, Rastafarianists, Shintos, Taoists.. there wouldn't be that many if there was only one that anyone gave a fuck about. I don't judge them, or you, yet you still make the time to judge me. No one is more correct than anyone else is. There is no proof for any religion, thats why they call it "faith", because youre trusting that its true. I believe I was responsible opting for Atheism so as not to belittle anyone who believes something so fully and seriously as all these varieties of people do. I chose to give everyone the respect of believing what they believe and stepping out of something which is too serious and illogical for me to comprehend, and not to mock a religion by calling myself part of one.

I've made choices which, while it was no right for you to pass judgement on, you did anyway. Yes, I dropped out of school and worked. Yes I got pierced. Yes I adore tattoos and I smoke and I this and I that, but I don't tell you you're wrong for the things that you do.

I had to drop out of school. You know how my home situation was at that point, and I couldn't put the added financial, emotional, and physical stress on my grandmother making her responsible for my schooling and needs. I'm at an age where I can , and have, taken care of both myself and my brother, not to mention my parents. If I can do something to benefit her, I will. I always will. Because I appreciate everything she's ever done for me if it means making a personal sacrifiice in gratitude, then so be it. I'm going to be as self efficient as I can in order to alieviate my burdens from others, step up to the plate, and be responsible for myself. It seemed admirable to me, but you seem to think I should be inconsiderate and selfish and that is something I am not now nor ever will be. I had a lot of growing up to do and I did it pretty fucking fast.

I can't work now, because I have to stay home and take care of my brother. I have to make sure he gets up for school, gets home, eats, showers, and stays out of trouble. I realize that its a parental responsibility but my mother can't do all too much with an internal IV leading to her heart thats pumping her full of antibiotics to get rid of a growth in a ventricle which will need replacement. As far as I'm concerned, this compensates for any wrong she ever could do. She had a past, yeah, and I wasn't raised in a very child safe environment, I realize that, and I know you judge her for it just as easily, and I think right now the aftermath is enough for her to look back and regret it. She doesn't need the extra slap in the face from those who act holier-than-thou. Accept what has been done and move on because I see no reason for neither the past nor present of her life having any baring on yours.

As far as my outward appearance, you are petty and shallow if you have a problem with it. I didn't have a childhood and I didn't have a great life but I never sat there and bitched about it. I just wanted to distinctify myself outside as much as I felt inside, and I'm happy with it.

As far as my interest in horror movies/horror music goes, those are just the things I've come to appreciate. It doesn't mean I'm suicidal, it doesn't mean I'm homicidal, and it doesn't mean I take virgin sacrifices. I like adrenaline. I have since I was little, and you should know I've always been that way. I used to like being scared of my jack in the box when I was in my play pen. I used to keep rereading Three Blind Mice because I thought it was funny when they got their tails cut off. I love dressing up on Halloween. It's better to have a sense of humour about death than it is to spend one's whole life fearing it, as far as I'm concerned. And it was never a problem for anyone until I turned 13. That's somewhat backward.

I don't need to hear "Oh, the baby is afraid of you because of those things coming out of your lip" "Are those fish hooks?" "How are you ever going to kiss anybody?" "Well now I know you're never going to have kids" "Why would you do that to your body?" "That's occult!" "This is Satanism", because I never would have made a decision without thinking it through and its just plain offensive that you would consider me as being myopic about who I am and the way I present myself. All I want is to be happy, for once, and if you truely honestly cared about me as much as you pretend that you do, you would give me my space. I'm not hurting anybody.

I don't do drugs. I've never been arrested. It's never hurt me. It's never hurt you. It doesn't isolate me from anyone in society who I would consider to be a genuine person. It doesn't make me any less intelligent or productive. However, it does make you less intelligent and more obviously blind than most people I've ever met in my life. How can you honestly expect me to consider you family when you'd rather pick at me like asinine vultures with no agenda than express care.

Not that I owe you an explanation, but I'm a dignified person and I, unlike others, can justify my actions.

Karma & You: My Guide to Fucking Everything Up, and then Justifying it.

Here's Your Introduction To Destruction!:
Used to never getting what you want? Did you have a bad life? Well shut the fuck up, you fucking baby, mine is worse! But I feel better about it. And you, too, can feel better about your issues that are far less important than mine by making contributions to the circle of Karma.

It's Purely Scientific:
The biggest misconception of Karma is that it occurs on its own. Karma is not a circle of nature, it's a means of survival. It's also based on Newton's laws. Newton was smoking crack when he wrote the second one, so that one doesn't count. Let's bump the third.

1)Every object in a state of uniform motion tends to remain in that state of motion unless an external force is applied to it.

2)For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

These laws disprove the conception of Karma when simply broken down.

-The Case of Law One

---When things are going a certain way, they wont just stop. Something needs to be
done to cause them to stop. There must be an intersection point at which someone
steps in, and does something about it.

-The Case of Law Two

---For everything someone does, there are two natural reactions. The opposite
reaction is what total pansies commonly refer to as being the bigger person.
(AKA allowing yourself to be defenseless, weak, and shit out of luck)
The OPPOSITE reaction shows a disapproval of the current state of things. The
OPPOSITE reaction is how you are heard and understood. You OPPOSE it.

The Justification
You are always justified in creating karma if you are legitimately fucked over. Every situation is different, so there is no single frame to base it on. As long as you acted appropriately first, and what you were returned with was uncalled for, in most cases you are good to go. Just give it some contemplation. Here's how to think about it.

Center on the current issue at hand. What is fucked up at the moment? Are you sure you didn't cause it? Are you sure it's not based on an illegitimate jealousy? Do others agree with your position? Did you exercise good patience? Did you try to enact a logical and neutral solution without success? Are you the only one being hurt in your position? Are you less at fault? Are you more attractive? Do you have less body hair?

If you can answer "Yes" to all of those questions, (or manipulate them in your favor, or use long shots) you are indeed eligible for your own Karma plan.

The Rules of KarmaClub:
--The first rule of KarmaClub: do not talk about KarmaClub. The more people you tell when you want to take credit for what you did, the more people will think that you're doing it for a different type of personal gain: attention. You can't sink so low as to do things for attention! Be a notable person and do things based on vendetta, sadism, and egotism!
--Second rule: mark your targets carefully. Make sure the person you are seeking Karma upon will be equally as hurt as you are if you do. Target his girlfriend, his wife, his sister, but whatever you do, make sure it comes back to HIM. Sometimes direct targets are more difficult because feelings get in the way (which, by the way, if you have feelings, you're a total faggot).
--Third rule: consider every possibility while exercising patience. Could it go wrong and make you look like an even bigger douche bag? Will the other person think nothing of it and brush it off? Will he turn around a fuck your mother out of spite? Think of every risk you're taking when planning your Karma, and contemplate ways to secure yourself from as many of them as possible. Don't act immediately. You need to wait some time so the target doesn't have his guard up, and make sure yours is built as good as Ron Jeremy's condoms would need to be.
--Fourth rule: DON'T FUCKING GET CAUGHT IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD TO. If you are stupid and uncreative enough to do something blatantly illegal, you probably deserve to get caught. But if your intention is to do something like getting a promotion, taking someone's spouse, or being written into your loaded father in laws will, you need to make it look as though it was caused by someone else. Detach yourself from suspicion. Don't let it look like you had any part in it, accidental or intentional. Sometimes there are moments of karma where you want the credit for it, and have nothing to lose by receiving it, but those are not necessarily the most rewarding. You need to make a serious judgement as to whether or not you can or want to afford to be held accountable.

How far is too far, and what are my limits on certain things?:

There are no exceptions to things involving children, severe injuries, anything jeopardizing more than 10 people at a time, anything blatantly illegal, anything involving sex with an animal or an elderly person, psychostalking, anything that involves killing or injuring an animal, or anything that will affect more innocent people than Karma targets.

There are exceptions in the following cases.

If you can get sued for it and you're still comfortable taking that risk, fine, go for it. There must be some suction in your boxers 'cause you've got some pretty big balls.

What is considered psychostalking and what is considered free range:

FREE RANGE
If you need to get more information on someone for karma purposes, there are four safe sources you can obtain the information from; Google, the white pages, talking to other people who are willing to give information, and MySpace. If you need someone's phone number, or someone's Maiden name, these are public record as long as they do not choose not to have them listed. If WhitePages.com allows you to do a reverse lookup on a phone number, you can get an address. Streets are public property and you can drive down whatever street you want. So long as you do not break & enter, trespass, or voyeurize, you have every right to be on their street.

There may be occasions where you plan on confronting someone. Let's say, someone posts a bulletin on MySpace that says they're going to dinner and a movie with this person in the evening. You plan to confront them at the movie theater, but you don't know when they will be there. It may be a wise decision to drive by to see if their car is in the driveway before you wind up sitting at the movie theater for eight hours, with your ass stuck in spilled soda and a fat man staring at you while you wait for them to show up. It's always wise to see if they're home, or find out for sure if they're where you believe they are going to be.

Those are your limits, do not push them.

PSYCHOSTALKING
Anything that involves information not obtained from the four safe sources, following someone's car, impersonating someone they know, using a GPS or tracking device, jacking off on someone's bedroom window, anything along those lines. If you can't justify why you did something or how you obtained information legally, you're doing something wrong. You're too much a fucking mongoloid to play smart.

Execution Style:
You've got rules and guidelines to follow. You know how much is too much, and what will come back to bite the head of your dick off in the long run. You know when you're justified, and probably by now what you're justified in doing. You need to assemble a plan well within what is acceptable that involves nothing further than emotional abuse. This one takes wit: you have it or you don't. And from here it's up to you, kids! It may seem like a lot of work, but once you turn it into a project, its a lot more fun than playing the fucking Sims, and a lot more rewarding too.

The Miss Bimbo Controversy

I had been on the website for several months before it caught a wave of media attention. It's viewed as an anti-feminist portrayal of women, encouraging plastic surgery, gold digging, and eating disorders. This is not the case.

I'm only giving the website a half-assed defense, because I'm not happy with them at the moment. I used to advocate it, but they're making that impossible for me now.

First of all, the game is designed to be satire. It's amusing for housewives to log online while the young ones are napping and live like an internet fashionista. It's a little get away. The game was never aimed at children, until seemingly recently.

A web update went live today. The layout has become very kid friendly, and the "Bimbo" doll has been changed to look very much like a twelve year old hooker. It's hard to defend their previous intentions now that they are seemingly moving in the direction the media had made them out to be.

What used to be an elegant, edgy twenty something, now looks like a sixth grade girl who plays with her mother's makeup, gets a boob job and a face lift, and dates older men for money. Now that's where it's sick. Before she at least looked legal. Now, if she walked up to the Clinique counter at the mall, the saleswoman would say "Where are your parents, sweetie? Are you lost?"

The ideology behind the game was something I used to appreciate. I have been banned from the forums several times because the administration doesn't appreciate anything I have to say, and you aren't allowed to talk about opinions/thoughts/feelings over there because that's considered controversy.. but now there's a whole new level of controversy.

Before, I would call anyone offended by the game a homely militant feminist. Now I could look at them and say "You're damn right".

It used to be the type of environment that I felt was easily dismissable as heavy sarcasm, but now the long overdue updates are making it look like a child prostitution ring. The intentions may have been to make the doll a little less Nicole Kidman and a little more Angelina Jolie.. but I'm pretty sure Dakota Fanning isn't the middle point.

The site is laden with disclaimers like "Boob jobs are serious!" and "Don't kiss too many boys!", and before I thought they were redundant and unnecessary to anyone with common sense, but now with the target audience changing.. I think the disclaimers should be spelled out with little refrigerator magnets or hand drawn with fingerpaint. Only on Miss Bimbo can you play a game where the object is to make out with men who are TRYING TO GET AWAY FROM YOU.

I'm hoping they will drop the lolita-esque update, which has been live for only several hours and already has an unsettlingly displeased response, and go back to normal. I realize it took a lot of time to come together, but if they had spend half that time putting thought into what they were doing, it could be something much less the antithesis of what they claim to be aiming for. I've been signed up for a year. If I wanted to play a twelve year old whore game, I'd wear pigtails and stand on the corner in a plaid skirt and a button-down.